A woman has been urged to dump her boyfriend after his dismal attempt at a birthday and anniversary celebration, which culminated in her paying for most of their expensive restaurant meal.
The 25-year-old shared her dilemma to Reddit’s popular Am I The A**hole forum, under the username Good_Cheesecake_251, where she vented her frustration over her boyfriend’s efforts.
She explained he is 35, and they’ve been dating for three years. “In a funny coincidence, both of our birthdays and our anniversary (the day we met) all happen in the same week,” she revealed.
This year they each decided to organize a “surprise” for their other half’s birthday, before going for a nice dinner to celebrate their anniversary.
“We discussed budget in advance, and we agreed that we would split the cost of the dinner. It was a set tasting menu so we knew the exact price ahead of time,” she explained.
But her birthday “did not go well,” as she revealed: “My boyfriend lied to me about taking the day off work and kept disappearing to the bathroom to answer emails and make calls, when we were at a museum together. (I didn’t ask or expect him to take the day off—I’d have been fine doing something in the evening.)”
In the comments, she later revealed her admission was free, while he paid for himself, and she bought them both coffees.
He then presented her with a pastry containing something she’s allergic to, strawberries, then he left at 8:00 p.m. to watch soccer, so she “ended up spending my birthday night alone.”
She confronted him the following day, saying it felt as if he’d given “zero thought” to her birthday, and made her “feel like a burden.”
“He just said he’d done his best and I need to learn to be grateful when other people ‘try,'” she wrote.
In contrast, she got specialty food and wine shipped in for his birthday, got a favorite childhood recipe from his grandmother, and spent “several days” crafting a meal for him. “He loved it,” she said.
While they’d previously agreed to split their anniversary dinner, she admitted she hoped he would pick up the bill seeing as her birthday went disastrously wrong “as a gesture of apology.”
When it came time to pay, she asked if he still wanted to split the check, and didn’t get the response she wanted.
“He replied, ‘Yeah but it would look weird if we asked for separate checks, since this is a nice place. So I’ll pay here and you can transfer me the money afterwards.’
“I honestly saw red. When the waitress came over with the bill, I said, ‘We’ll actually be splitting.’ She asked how we wanted to split, and I said I’d pay for the wine and my food. So in total, I paid for about 70% of the bill. My boyfriend just shrugged and paid for the remaining amount.
“As soon as we left, he said I humiliated him and acted like a spoiled brat and he ‘couldn’t change the past,’ and I need to learn to move on when I’m annoyed.
“I said my issue wasn’t about changing the past, but 1) he hadn’t even properly apologised for my birthday or tried to make up for it in any way, and 2) he cared more about the restaurant staff thinking that he was a big spender treating me to a fancy dinner, when I’d actually be paying for half of the meal,” she fumed.
Since being shared on Thursday her post has amassed 10,000 likes and comments, as people slammed her boyfriend’s behavior.
Rattivarius commented: “I’m genuinely low-maintenance and his birthday behaviour would have enraged me, because that isn’t a maintenance issue, that’s a basic human decency issue.”
TotallyWonderWoman wrote: “I got this feeling, too! OP does a good job of standing up for herself, but I bet a woman in her 30s saw right through this guy immediately.”
RoyallyOakie reckoned: “Should have dumped him IN the restaurant really…and left him with the bill. Maybe I’m not as nice as she is.”
Squeakhound joked: “Maybe his real gift was opening OP’s eyes.”
VividEfficiency7347 said: “Your boyfriend couldn’t care less about your birthday and only cared about image at the anniversary dinner. I’d hate to find out what his bad qualities are.”
After reading through the comments, Good_Cheesecake_251 later added: “But I’m starting to realise that it’s not really acceptable, and this relationship might not be the best option for me.
“Thank you again for all the advice. It sounds cheesy but this post might end up genuinely changing my life.”
While Good_Cheesecake_251 didn’t specify where she was based, figures from Statista show that Americans, probably unlike her boyfriend, are planning on spending big this upcoming Valentine’s Day.
This graph below, provided by Statista, shows the total amount expected to be spent on February 14.
Statista chart showing Valentine’s Day spending. A woman was unimpressed with her boyfriend’s birthday and anniversary gift.
For example, consumers plan to spend, on average, $31.35 on an evening out as a gift, $17.22 on a gift card, $16.71 on flowers as a present, $7.47 on a greeting card, $15.90 on candy, and $21.46 on clothes.
Statista said: “According to the NRF (The National Retail Federation), just over half (53 percent) of U.S. consumers plan to celebrate on February 14 in 2022, up ever so slightly from the 52 percent in 2021.
“The average shopper expects to spend substantially more on Valentine’s Day gifts, however—$175.41 per person, up from $164.76 in 2021.”
Newsweek has reached out to Good_Cheesecake_251, for comment.
File photo of a package. A woman was enraged after her boyfriend put in minimal effort on her birthday, and their anniversary.